by Lisha

After being free from 4 years of academics, I’m lost and struggle with my life plan. Life is wild, and I’m a beginner of the adulting lifestyle. But my parents expect me to get an office deck job, being successful, the perfect daughter, getting married, and have a family. 

Japan and ageism, So what does ageism mean? 

According to Wikipedia : “Ageism, also spelled agism, is stereotyping and/or discrimination against individuals or groups on the basis of their age.”

Whether young or old, this negative stereotype leads people to some social difficulties. For instance, if you’re young, it’ll be difficult finding jobs, or you may receive lower pay due to their perceived lack of experience. On the other hand, If you’re old, it may be difficult to change your career, find a new job, or achieve a promotion. 

In my native country, ageism is everywhere. Especially towards women. We are told how we should build our career properly or even find a husband by a certain age. In this society, there is a certain life plan that your parents or that society has already built for you. It’s as if there is no time to take a break. After you graduate from high school, enter into a university, spend 4 academic years on your degrees and then go straight to an office job.  This is thought of as “being normal”. 

In Japan, you are expected to have a great professional connection by age 30. Traditionally, Japan has a system of lifetime employment. With this system, you start working for a company out of university and stay with the same company until your retirement age, 65. 

Weird ageism thoughts towards women

However, when it comes to women, how do things change? There are still many companies that are not actively hiring the female applicant. Especially, for high-ranking, high-responsible positions. During the interview, there are several questions that women tend to receive from interviewers. 

For ages between 23 to 26, interviewers think they don’t have enough experience for the positions they offer. For ages 27 to 30, they ask if you are married, if you have kids, if you are thinking of taking maternity leave. For ages 31 to 35, they may ask if your children are still little. 

However, this is very hard to not question about it. Especially for someone who traveled and spent a year in a different country. I’ve experienced learning more about the “put yourself in the first place, not others” mindset. Most of my international friends were in their mid-20s, early-30s, and a few 40s. They came to Australia to change their life. Quitting their previous jobs, and moving into a different culture. There was one thing they kept telling me. “Family is important, society is important. But at the end, you’re the one sitting in your driver’s seat. Control your life, not letting others control.”

Now I’m back in my country and thinking about what is next. All my Japanese friends are walking on the life path that society made. With all my heart, I didn’t want to do the same.

Post-grad unclear life path

So, as a post-grad woman, how do I deal? Post-grad depression is real. After university, as I mentioned above, many people move to their identity being their career. People introduce themselves by their name and their job. The Financial Diet described :

 “It was always true but it’s never been more obvious than right now how much your identity and your worth are NOT your jobs. Jobs come and go, titles are cheap, and your employer is not your family. Remember who you really are, and stop tying your value to a line on your resume”

I’m not having my full-time job yet, working part-time as a barista, building my career in the digital marketing area. And everyone asks if I’m okay with this, “why not get recruited in Japanese companies, you should gain proper career experience by 30, by what age do you want to get married, you are already 23, and yet never experienced office work?” and so on. I would’ve asked these questions before my gap year. I had believed that getting a full-time office job is a success and if I don’t, it’s a failure.  But your work, career doesn’t identify who you are.

“People assume that just because you have a degree, you’re set and you’re going to get a job right after graduation.”- Decerry Donato

Your degrees, career doesn’t teach you life preparation, mental health, physical health, nutrition. I have never questioned myself, about who I am, how I want to spend my life. It has never been the topic. But taking a gap year made me realized, I can follow as many paths as I want. Because eventually, I deserve to make my life happier. And my age, my career, my title can not make it.